Dear 10-year-old Gabby,
Hi, so you’re in 5th grade, right? I remember that year, very well even though I wish I didn’t. This has been a tough school year for you, hasn’t it? It’s your first year in middle school! That’s exciting, but also scary. You will lose some friends this year. You’ll realize that just because you have known someone for a couple of years, it doesn’t mean you’ll know them forever. Your best friend right now, you won’t be best friends after this year. Don’t worry, you’ll still get along with each other. But the two of you are going to grow up to be two very different people. You’ll see each other at school, and you’ll talk, but not like you do now.
The good news is, you’re going to make so many new friends. These friends will have the same interests as you. They’ll make you feel like they are lucky to be your friend. They won’t be in your life forever, but that’s okay. Enjoy their friendships now and learn from them. You have a great personality, you just haven’t discovered it yet. Give it a year and you’ll start to figure that out. People will want to be around you. They’ll enjoy being around you. Be kind to others. The guilt you feel later is worse than whatever you might feel now.
I know that this year has brought a lot of changes for you. School seems like it has gotten so much harder, especially math. Your math teacher makes it harder for you than it has to be, I know. Don’t let her win, please. What you do in school right now is going to affect you for years to come. Even in college, the habits you develop now are going to affect you. Face the problems head on and don’t be a coward. Yes, it’s going to be hard and you’re not going to want to do it. But, please, do it anyways. Ask for help! There is no shame in asking for help. Sometimes, saying that you don’t understand is braver than pretending like you do. One bad teacher has the ability to ruin school for the rest of your life, don’t let her. You will have so many good teachers, great ones even. They are the ones you need to learn from.
You are so smart! Don’t ever call yourself stupid. Your words are more powerful than anyone else’s, so always speak to yourself with compassion and kindness. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re just a kid. You’re still learning. You’re never going to stop learning.
I want you to know that you’re not a bad kid. You’re not a delinquent just because you get sent to the office. It’s your mouth, sometimes you just need to let things go and shut up. Eventually you’ll find a way to say the things you want and not get in trouble. For now, just get through middle school. It’s just four years, not the rest of your life.
You’ll be okay.
Dear 13-year-old Gabby,
So, you’ve just finished 8th grade. How do you feel? You must feel like you’re on top of the world. Yeah, not really, right? In a lot of ways 8th grade was the best year ever, but also the worst. You’re going to high school now. Remember when you were starting middle school? Well this is like that, times ten. I know that you feel like you know who you are. But in the next 4 years, you will discover new things about yourself. Some good, and some bad.
Your closest friends now will be you friends for a while. But eventually, all of you will go different ways in high school. It’s okay. You’re going to go through a few different best friends in the next few years. This is when you’ll decide the kind of person you want to be, not the kind of person you think you are. Not all of your friendships will end happily. Some of them will end in tears and sometimes it will be your fault. You can’t be the hero in everyone else’s story. Just be the hero in your own.
Right now, you’re worrying about finding a boyfriend, right? I’m just going to let you know right now, you won’t have a boyfriend in high school. This has nothing to do with you. There is nothing wrong with you. Not getting attention from boys sucks, but I promise you don’t want their attention anyways. The boys in college are so much better, they’ll start paying attention to you then. Give it time, work on yourself. Become the kind of person that you’d want to date. You’re a catch! As soon as you realize that other people will too. Also, develop a good skincare routine now.
Please pay attention to your grades. It might seem like they don’t matter now, but they will. School sucks, I know, but it is important. Listen to me when I tell you that the choices you make now will continue to affect you for the rest of your life. Don’t brush off something because its hard work. You feel most proud of yourself when you’ve accomplished something that you never thought you could. Get involved. You’re not too cool for school. Basketball will be fun, for the most part. But try to explore some other creative interests as well. You won’t be playing basketball in college, so start developing some other skills.
People not liking you is not the end of the world, I promise. In fact, after you graduate you won’t see anybody from high school anymore. There’s no need to impress anybody, except yourself.
P.S. When you get your license, the green arrow means you don’t have to yield, the green light means yield!
Dear 18-year-old Gabby,
So, you did it. You graduated! Now it’s off to college. Can you believe that you actually got accepted? Well kid, you did. Now the real work begins. If you thought high school was a lot of work… just lower your expectations for college. Your university life will look very different form your life now. People will leave and others will come. It’s okay to miss people who you left behind, but you left them behind for a reason. You won’t be eighteen forever. You are going to meet people that bring out only the best in you. Those are the people you want to keep around.
Life will test you in ways you never expected. Face the test head on and learn from it. You’re going to make mistakes, you always have, and you always will. That’s a part of growing up. If you want to be treated like an adult, then act like one. There’s more to being a grownup than your age. I’m still not an adult, so you definitely aren’t. You are going to discover talents and interests that you never considered before. Go all in and try everything, that’s how you learn who are you.
Nobody judges in college. Literally nobody cares what you like to do, everyone is focused on themselves. Focus on yourself too. College will challenge you like high school never did. Your GPA is important, don’t let it get too low. It’s not like high school, homework will have to done outside of class, so do it. Even if it you don’t want to. But college is so much better! Don’t be afraid to get involved, that’s a part of the experience.
You’ve always been impulsive, and you still are. I still am too. I’m still working on it, so I need you to do me a favor and start working on it now. Never leave a job on impulse, give your two weeks. Temporary satisfaction only lasts temporarily. Eventually the consequences of your actions come knocking, and you have no choice but to answer the door.
Don’t be mistaken that boys magically become men in college. Some boys that you meet will break your heart. You will break some hearts of your own. But here’s some advice, don’t give up on something before you’ve really given it a chance. You don’t want to ask “what if…” later, trust me.
A lot of things are going to happen in the next four years. The world changes so fast and sometimes you’ll just want it to slow down. It doesn’t, it only gets faster. You have privilege in life, it might not seem like it, but you do. You will see a lot of things in the next few years that will make you question your faith in humanity. I still struggle with that. But I have learned that we are just as capable of great evil as we are capable of great good. Don’t let a few bad grapes ruin the whole vine for you. Be a good grape, maybe you’ll even inspire others to be good grapes too.
Speaking of grapes, white wine is more your thing than red. Jungle juice is dangerous but experience it once or twice, you’ll get great stories out of it. Don’t drink just to get drunk or impress anyone else. That’s when bad decisions get made. Develop a workout routine and healthy diet right now. You will not have this body forever. Do me a favor and think about your health above all else. Your metabolism will slow down just like everyone else’s!
There will come a point when it’s going to seem like everyone else has their life figured out. Don’t let their social media posts fool you. They are just as lost as you are, so it’s okay to take your time. Only fools rush in. You are no fool, so don’t be played like one.
Hey, by the way, you are beautiful.
Dear 30-year-old Gabby,
Hey there. It’s me, 23-year-old Gabby. I look great for my age, I know. Hopefully you do too. I hope you’ve learned to cook because I still haven’t. I’m assuming we graduated college. We must be working somewhere or doing something that we love. I wonder how many people are still in our life. Sometimes I forget that people don’t live forever.
What’s being thirty like? Are we married or in love? Thirty seems so far away but it’s only seven years from now. Seven years ago we were learning to drive, what are you learning right now? I wonder if you’re proud of me. I wonder if I’d be proud of you. I can’t wrap my mind around being that old. Not that thirty is old of course! But, you know, it’s not twenty-three. Can you imagine being forty?
I hope that the world is better. World peace is a lot to ask for, I know, but I hope that at least your world is at peace. I wish you could give me some advice right now. What should I do and not do? When should I say yes and when should I say no? Some kind of warning about the future would be nice, but I’ve made it this far without knowing. I guess I can make it a little longer.
I hope that you’re still writing. If you’re not, you should start doing it again. Even if it’s just for fun. I’ve found that the simple act of seeing your thoughts written down can help you to understand them better. I’m sure you’re still struggling and learning. I don’t think that ever stops, not really. We’ll be eighty and still learning new things about ourself. That’s an exciting thought actually.
Well, I don’t have much to say to you. I just wanted you to know that I’m thinking about you. I wanted you to know, all things considered, that I’m doing okay. If you are reading this right now, I hope that it’s brought you some kind peace, if you needed it.
Look how far we’ve come. Remember when we were scared to go to middle school? Then high school seemed like it would last forever. College has been a mix new experiences and emotions. I’m doing my best to navigate them. Just think about how far we’ll go.
Maybe now you can write a letter to me. I won’t be able to read it, but still, you should. Write to our future self as well. Ask her how she’s doing, I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.
Sincerely,
Gabby
Gabby Gaspard 